I have a current dilemma that is really tugging on my heart. So I thought I could blog it out...hopefully.
We have always known that we wanted children. But we struggled with infertility issues. I am PCOS (like Kate, from Kate plus 8). We had tried a few things, but were getting easily frustrated. We started off at one infertility clinic, without much success or help. My mother continued to tell me to go somewhere else. My OBGYN doctor felt the same way. I called my OBGYN to complain and she again said go to Jones - plus she had heard that they were doing a clincial study. So I went ahead and called. What a scary decision....if you join the clinical study - it's a one shot deal. With much dilemma, we decided to go for it. (Later we would learn it was the best decision we ever could have made). We were one of the last couples to be selected for the IVF study. My study group was testing different ways to get Progesterone into your body and help aide in pregnancy. So it didn't really matter which method I was selected for - my body would be receiving the Progesterone.
After lots of doctor appointments and shots and medicine - we had to wait to find out. I was supposed to start my first day back to work - but I was sick as a dog. So I missed my first day back. I was so sick that I called the fertility clinic to find out what this could possibly mean. Would it hurt what was going on? The lady asked if I was pregnant....I said "I don't know. I was told not to take a pregnancy test until Tuesday after they did my blood work." She told me to take a pregnancy test and call her back. Hard to do when you can't keep any fluids down. So I did. Pregnant. Well, if this is morning sickness we have to do something...I have to go to work. They asked me to come in right away. I was overstimulated. Because I was pregnant...I was even sicker.
I still have 5 eggs left. (They are an 8 celled stage). They are our babies. We have been paying to keep them frozen every month. I think that we are done having children. We are certainly very busy. Which means there is no reason to keep our eggs. But I just can't seem to make that phone call. They are still mine. We worked very hard to make them. Lots of shots, money, and time. I can still give them to science or another couple. But I just can't seem to get rid of them. Am I crazy???
I don't think you're crazy. When I had my miscarriages, it was so hard. I mean, that was my baby, not a bunch of cells. There is an emotional attachment to this potential life; almost as though it is hope frozen in time. I can see the moral dilemma, though. What do you do with that potential life? Do you "adopt" them out? Do you donate them to better your children's lives? Do you hang onto them in case you decide to have more children in 5 years? I don't know the right answer. You never know what the future holds, but I know you will come to the right decision.
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